Standard 10th and First Crush

It is the year 2003 — a time when life was much simpler and very different from today. Rohan is a Standard 10th student from a humble, modest family in suburban Mumbai. Intelligent, hard-working, and deeply focused on his studies, he is a class topper whose parents work hard to give him a good education. But outside academics, Rohan is shy, introverted, and uncomfortable with speaking engagements, debates, or social situations.

He is fully focused on studies and does not want anything to distract him from that goal. He is neither good at sports nor drawn to arts or extra-curricular activities. So, while he excels academically, he lacks social confidence, especially when it comes to talking to girls or interacting freely with people. This weakness has roots in his upbringing and in the lack of such opportunities during his early years. This is the story of his first childhood crush — in Standard 10th, at the age of 16.

Rohan had joined a few tuition classes for Standard 10th to manage his studies, as this was the year of the board exams. He had little experience interacting with girls, let alone dating or flirting with them. Until that age, he had hardly ever liked a girl. But that was finally going to change. Rohan had started attending a morning batch for Mathematics. Standard 10th Maths was tough for many students, and tuitions were the norm back then. True to his nature, he was regular, diligent, and focused only on studies. He performed well in class tests, and even the tutor praised him for his achievements.

Days passed in this routine. It must have been the month of August when, for some reason, Rohan skipped his morning Maths tutorial. Upon request, he attended the evening batch that day with one of his close friends, Aarav, who had also missed the morning batch. Then came Jhanvi. She was a student from another school and belonged to the evening batch at the same tuition class. That day, Rohan saw her for the first time. Jhanvi was good-looking, with long hair, brown skin, and a graceful height. Rohan had seen many girls before — in school, in other classes, and in his locality — but something about Jhanvi felt different. He could not take his eyes off her. Jhanvi became his first crush.

Rohan liked Jhanvi instantly. You could call it something-at-first sight. After that day, he began finding excuses to attend the evening batch. Slowly, and luckily for him, Jhanvi also became part of his morning batch. Rohan somehow felt that she had noticed him too and may have tried to talk to him. He sensed that she laughed at his jokes and gave him subtle hints. That was the little world unfolding between them.

But then a strange thing happened. Rohan, who admired Jhanvi so much, could not approach her. His childhood shyness and lack of confidence came to the forefront. His pain was obvious. He had hardly interacted with girls, and directly approaching a girl he liked felt nearly impossible. Whenever Rohan thought of talking to Jhanvi, he became nervous, started shaking, and avoided taking the first step. This continued for many days, right up to the end of the board exams. Rohan was not a brave boy in that moment. He failed to make even the first attempt. His fears had paralysed him.

Some first-crush stories break hearts, while others never even begin. This is one such rare story — the story of Rohan and Jhanvi, who could never meet properly or even talk to each other. Because Rohan never tried. He never opened his mouth. He only looked at her from a distance and failed at his first crush before it could even begin.

Rohan's story did not end with heartbreak in the usual sense. It ended in silence. The real pain was not that Jhanvi rejected him, but that fear, loneliness, and lack of emotional confidence never allowed him to even begin a conversation. This is what we want to highlight at Akela Mann. Loneliness is not just about being left alone or waking up one day to find that there are no friends around. Loneliness can be deep-rooted, with traces that go back to childhood. We are taught Maths, Science, History, Geography, and different languages, but we are rarely taught the language of love, romance, emotional expression, and building relationships.